The Confusing Plan of God
"Confusion is a word we have invented for an
order which is not yet understood."
~~Henry Miller, American Author~~
order which is not yet understood."
~~Henry Miller, American Author~~
So, I’m twenty-five and this is not where I envisioned my life. I’ve had my fair share of bad days. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes--large and small. I’ve got my fair share of regrets. I’ve had my fair share of failures. Sometimes I look back and wonder why the heck I even started some of the riskier things I tried. I’ve been told that dreams, more often than not, end up shattered. Not too sure I agree with that. Maybe we just lose sight of them.
Since I was in middle school, I’ve always known God has had plans for me. Sometimes it has led to pride. I mean, come on! When you’re in middle and high school and your faith hasn’t had a real chance to be riddled with holes and cynicism from postmodern or emergent or whatever we’re calling our culture at the moment, it’s not hard to get overly prideful about it. God, sometimes referred to as ‘The Creator of the Cosmos’, has big plans for me. There are 6 billion people on the planet. It simply boggles the mind that a being with “phenomenal cosmic powers!” has set aside enough time to think up a part for me in His grand play. Think about it. This is the same dude who makes the sun rise and set, keeps gravity working, and the moon controlling the tides. Did I mention, it’s the same guy Who gave us the belly button, the natural lint trap? And, while all this stuff is going on, I’m part of something He’s up to.
The main thing about knowing that God has a plan for my life is that pride is not the major feeling I get. I live in a continual state of confusion. There are countless failures that haunt me. That’s just me being brutally honest. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that the same God Who makes the sun rise and set, also allows earthquakes, tsunamis, genocide, euthanasia, and terrorism. I suppose He’s got his reasons, though. I don’t presume to know the mind of God. But, that’s not the point. Confusion reigns supreme. I wonder, how can this God--this God Who has this big plan for me--allow me to make mistake after mistake after mistake followed by regret after regret after regret?
By no means do I play the ‘perpetual sufferer.’ You know the type of person I’m talking about. The person that is simply a drain to be in a relationship with. Sure, I’ve been victimized. Conversely, I’ve also been the victimizer. I am both sinner and saint. Strange dichotomy. But, then again, so are most of the people reading this. I think we all are unsettled with where we are in life, whether our mistakes will keep us from our dreams, and if the plan we think God has for our lives was nothing more than bad Chinese coupled by light from Venus reflecting off swamp gas near some power lines we live beneath.
Next week I’m checking out Rochester College in Rochester Hills, Michigan. Maybe I’ll get to attend in the fall. Maybe I won’t. Being a 26 year-old university freshman was never part of the plan. But, it’s a step toward understanding. Does that mean it’s a step away from God’s plan for my life? Gee. I sure hope not. Guess I’m just exercising all that free will I keep hearing so much about. Who knows? I could be just as confused about God’s plan while in college as I would be out of college. Admittedly, one is a cheaper route than the other, but I’ll never know unless I try something.
Since I was in middle school, I’ve always known God has had plans for me. Sometimes it has led to pride. I mean, come on! When you’re in middle and high school and your faith hasn’t had a real chance to be riddled with holes and cynicism from postmodern or emergent or whatever we’re calling our culture at the moment, it’s not hard to get overly prideful about it. God, sometimes referred to as ‘The Creator of the Cosmos’, has big plans for me. There are 6 billion people on the planet. It simply boggles the mind that a being with “phenomenal cosmic powers!” has set aside enough time to think up a part for me in His grand play. Think about it. This is the same dude who makes the sun rise and set, keeps gravity working, and the moon controlling the tides. Did I mention, it’s the same guy Who gave us the belly button, the natural lint trap? And, while all this stuff is going on, I’m part of something He’s up to.
The main thing about knowing that God has a plan for my life is that pride is not the major feeling I get. I live in a continual state of confusion. There are countless failures that haunt me. That’s just me being brutally honest. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that the same God Who makes the sun rise and set, also allows earthquakes, tsunamis, genocide, euthanasia, and terrorism. I suppose He’s got his reasons, though. I don’t presume to know the mind of God. But, that’s not the point. Confusion reigns supreme. I wonder, how can this God--this God Who has this big plan for me--allow me to make mistake after mistake after mistake followed by regret after regret after regret?
By no means do I play the ‘perpetual sufferer.’ You know the type of person I’m talking about. The person that is simply a drain to be in a relationship with. Sure, I’ve been victimized. Conversely, I’ve also been the victimizer. I am both sinner and saint. Strange dichotomy. But, then again, so are most of the people reading this. I think we all are unsettled with where we are in life, whether our mistakes will keep us from our dreams, and if the plan we think God has for our lives was nothing more than bad Chinese coupled by light from Venus reflecting off swamp gas near some power lines we live beneath.
Next week I’m checking out Rochester College in Rochester Hills, Michigan. Maybe I’ll get to attend in the fall. Maybe I won’t. Being a 26 year-old university freshman was never part of the plan. But, it’s a step toward understanding. Does that mean it’s a step away from God’s plan for my life? Gee. I sure hope not. Guess I’m just exercising all that free will I keep hearing so much about. Who knows? I could be just as confused about God’s plan while in college as I would be out of college. Admittedly, one is a cheaper route than the other, but I’ll never know unless I try something.
posted by C. E'Jon Moore @ 1.4.05
1 Comments:
Sometimes it's hard not to feel pride when I know God has a plan for me. Other times, it's the most humbling thing I can imagine that the ruler of the universe even has me on His mind.
Post a Comment
<< Home