The Confusing Plan of God, Part II
"God will not permit any troubles to come upon
us, unless He has a specific plan by which
great blessing can come out of the difficulty."
~~Peter Marshall~~
I spent this evening with friends out in the woods praying. Seriously. Jason. Amanda. Shannon. Dena. Brandon. All new friends. Each of them I’m learning to entrust with my heart and soul. That’s not easy. That’s also, not the point.
Being in the forest was supposed to get us closer to God. Amanda often walks the nature trail and wanted to share part of how she experiences the Creator with the rest of us. Now, I’m not exactly “the man’s man.” I don’t understand cars. I don’t like football. I don’t think farting is funny. And I don’t exactly enjoy being outdoors. That’s not to say I couldn’t learn to like those things, and thereby become the Westernized definition of what it means to be a man. I’m just saying, where I am now, I don’t particularly take pleasure in any of those things. That, also, is not the point.
Standing outdoors, in the middle of the woods, a biting cold nipping at my legs and chest, I simply talked to God. As everyone else prayed their prayers of thanksgiving and prayers of petition, I tried to formulate what I might say to Him. After all, there were a million thoughts and desires and worries flowing freely though my mind. I don’t remember much of what I said, really. I kind of fumbled around for the right words to say. All I recollect is a desperate heart. I know God’s plan for my life. I’ve known that plan for a long time now. Problem is, I guess God thinks I’ve known this plan for too long. Apparently, now its time to actually follow it. Safety be damned! Damned! Damned! Damned!
I feel as if I have been thrust right into the midst of peril. No (foreseeable) place to live. No roommates. No wife. (No companion to walk the road with me. No lover to share my bed.) No children. A new college. A new church. Old friendships broken (or strained). New friendships to start from scratch. And I don’t understand any of it. Not a single thing. I’m thankful for certain aspects. Who can honestly frown upon new friendships? But, I also struggle against becoming bitter about other aspects. I don’t understand having my family ripped from me in such a cruel, heart-breaking fashion. I simply can’t. There has not been a single Christian platitude given to adequately explain it. And, in heavenly fashion, God has remained silent on just about everything.
What I do remember is praying for God to explain part of His plan. I’ll follow Him through the fires of Hell if I have to, but I truly need some sort of explanation. Dena asked me, “What would God have to say to you, Cal? What do you want Him to say?” I don’t recall what my response was. I think I BS’d my way through it. Something along the lines of “Anything. Some sort of explanation. Anything but, ‘Trust me.’”
So, here I stand. I don’t understand a thing about this crazy, mixed-up plan of God. From what I’ve read in the Bible, chances are, this side of heaven I will never understand it. Maybe I should just get used to that. I can’t say it’s the most efficient way of running a universe and keeping people faithful, but since He’s kept the universe running and people have remained more-or-less faithful through the ages, I don’t have much room to talk, do I. I just…wish…
Being in the forest was supposed to get us closer to God. Amanda often walks the nature trail and wanted to share part of how she experiences the Creator with the rest of us. Now, I’m not exactly “the man’s man.” I don’t understand cars. I don’t like football. I don’t think farting is funny. And I don’t exactly enjoy being outdoors. That’s not to say I couldn’t learn to like those things, and thereby become the Westernized definition of what it means to be a man. I’m just saying, where I am now, I don’t particularly take pleasure in any of those things. That, also, is not the point.
Standing outdoors, in the middle of the woods, a biting cold nipping at my legs and chest, I simply talked to God. As everyone else prayed their prayers of thanksgiving and prayers of petition, I tried to formulate what I might say to Him. After all, there were a million thoughts and desires and worries flowing freely though my mind. I don’t remember much of what I said, really. I kind of fumbled around for the right words to say. All I recollect is a desperate heart. I know God’s plan for my life. I’ve known that plan for a long time now. Problem is, I guess God thinks I’ve known this plan for too long. Apparently, now its time to actually follow it. Safety be damned! Damned! Damned! Damned!
I feel as if I have been thrust right into the midst of peril. No (foreseeable) place to live. No roommates. No wife. (No companion to walk the road with me. No lover to share my bed.) No children. A new college. A new church. Old friendships broken (or strained). New friendships to start from scratch. And I don’t understand any of it. Not a single thing. I’m thankful for certain aspects. Who can honestly frown upon new friendships? But, I also struggle against becoming bitter about other aspects. I don’t understand having my family ripped from me in such a cruel, heart-breaking fashion. I simply can’t. There has not been a single Christian platitude given to adequately explain it. And, in heavenly fashion, God has remained silent on just about everything.
What I do remember is praying for God to explain part of His plan. I’ll follow Him through the fires of Hell if I have to, but I truly need some sort of explanation. Dena asked me, “What would God have to say to you, Cal? What do you want Him to say?” I don’t recall what my response was. I think I BS’d my way through it. Something along the lines of “Anything. Some sort of explanation. Anything but, ‘Trust me.’”
So, here I stand. I don’t understand a thing about this crazy, mixed-up plan of God. From what I’ve read in the Bible, chances are, this side of heaven I will never understand it. Maybe I should just get used to that. I can’t say it’s the most efficient way of running a universe and keeping people faithful, but since He’s kept the universe running and people have remained more-or-less faithful through the ages, I don’t have much room to talk, do I. I just…wish…
posted by C. E'Jon Moore @ 11.4.05
3 Comments:
They wouldn't call it faith if we could see every step laid out before us. If God said to us, "I know this looks bad, but see how it'll come out on the other side?" trust would have a different meaning. When Jesus was on earth He could have proved to the world beyond a shadow of a doubt that He was who He said He was.
God doesn't hand down some fatherly ultimatum, “As long as you’re living under MY atmosphere…” Free will and consequences. For some reason, God wants it this way. I don't know why. I also don't know how he keeps my heart beating.
I’m not saying what you’re going through is a consequence of your choices. I don’t know you well enough for that. I don’t even know what your choices have been. Sometimes people can do everything right, live their lives completely devoted to God and follow His plan to the letter, and still go through hardships. But if you know what God wants you to do, do it! I’ve been stubborn or lazy in something I know God wants me to do. I’ve put it off for a long time. I need to obey.
In October my father-in-law was diagnosed with colon cancer, stage 2, pretty well contained. He went through surgery, radiation and then chemo—both IV and oral. Yesterday was his last day of treatment. He’s doing remarkably well. He got sick during the IV weeks, but usually felt pretty good in the off weeks. He didn’t even lose his hair.
In January my oldest brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. He’d had it for a year before they knew what was wrong with him. It’s stage 4, widespread. His first dose of chemo put him in intensive care for a week. It was touch and go. They stopped all treatments and he’s had a month at home to recover. Today will be his second dose of chemo…either half or quarter of the dose he got before. I don’t know what’s going to happen. His doctor didn’t want to do more chemo, but my brother insisted.
After 10 years of an empty nest, my parents are the caretakers of a sick son. If he dies, they have to watch it happen. None of us knows what God has in mind. But all of us trust that He knows best.
Usually when you follow God, and you do not hear him say something specifially, he did that on purpose. I know God has communicated certain things to me when I needed it, other times he choose to be silent. Like you said, it seems like the only prudent thing to do is to go with it. Because if he is indeed the supreme being, then we have no choice but to trust him. Trusting him does not bring warm fuzzies, but we gotta do what we gotta do. There are a few things that I want to hear from God about right now, not as serious or life changing as yours, but nonetheless, I wait in patience and obedience with you.
-DK
Just a comment on the things you said you didn't have, mainly a wife and children. I believe this is the divine wisdom of God in itself. Would it not be that much harder to have faith and obey in these circumstances if you were also thinking about a wife and children? You would be saying "I'm making my wife leave her family, my children will have to make new friends, go to a new school, etc." Your worries and uncertainties would be multiplied a hundred fold. God in his wisdom knows this about you and knows it is best for you to walk this journey not alone, but with Him alone.
Matthew 6:31-34 sums up your problem: "Therefore do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
If you cannot find the ability to trust God with your whole future, then trust him with today alone. Yes you are in a hole, and you're looking up at God, but you're focused on the hole - the depth of it, the difficulty of getting out of it. You need to focus on God and forget about the hole you are in. God made the hole and He can certainly get you out of it.
When Peter stepped out of the boat onto the water and walked to Jesus, he was totally focused on Jesus. But when he looked around and saw the wind and waves, he immediately began to sink. Don't look around, look up and completely focus on being totally obedient to God in whatever he is calling you to do. You don't need explanations - if He gave you one, it may not even make it easier to understand. Stop praying for understanding and start praying for an obedient heart.
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