Romans 7 Through the Left Eye of Dr. Jekyll and the Right Eye of Mr. Hyde
"How much can you know
about yourself if you've never
been in a fight?"
~~Tyler Durden in Fight Club~~
Reading through the Pauline Epistles each summer is a tradition I began when I was eighteen. I’m not sure at what point something becomes a bonafide “tradition” in the traditional(?) sense of the word, though. Technically, this is only the second time I’ve endeavored to do it since I decided to make it a yearly undertaking. Maybe saying, “I read through the Pauline Epistles each summer,” makes me sound more spiritual than I actually am. Ah, how motives are a frustrating maze to navigate.
Let me say here, I am not the person who can adequately explain the message of Romans. Even the experts continue to haggle over the theme of the book. Is it a basic gospel presentation or is about justification through faith? There have been plenty of commentaries, sidebars, and notes written about the subject. I doubt I will have anything new to add to the pot. Actually, the reason I am writing is to admit freely that I’m kind of…stuck. Stuck at a particular point in the book.
In Romans 7:18-25, the Apostle Paul states:
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”
There’s a reason I’m able to relate to Paul more than I can to Jesus. Sometimes, I honestly think it would have been better for Paul to die for my sins. (The way some people talk about the man, you would believe they thought he actually did!) My reasoning for this is he’s struggled with the same things I struggled with. He takes a snapshot of the human soul that is so candid, so intimate, it borders on being obscenely pornographic. The vile darkness that lurks in the hearts of man is laid bare and called to account. Each of us can point to the words of this man and nod, because we’ve all been there. Jesus was tempted but never failed. I can’t relate to that. Paul was tempted and failed miserably. He struggled with what that meant. He struggled with looking up from the bottom of a spiritual hole. I can relate to that. Still, I am eternally grateful that I can’t relate to Jesus in the way I can relate to Paul. Otherwise, I would still be dead in my sins.
How come I don’t believe I’m the first one to wrestle with this, though? It's like I'm the exact opposite of what I need to be in order to be who I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be good and I've got a desire to heed this call to be a leader among followers, but I have a desire to intentionally screw up and do what I want. Sitting in church on any given Sunday I convince myself, “Yeah. I can do this. I can live this life.” Then I exit the front doors and the demons take flight again, swirling within and without my soul, wailing, screaming curses and bombarding me from every conceivable direction. Discouraging words at exactly the wrong time. Sensual stimulation. Personal insecurity. Out-and-out disgust with living the life of a choirboy. Disappointment with the failure of others. Utter desolation at my own failure.
And the Apostle Paul’s solution to the problem doesn’t read like a solution at all. Not in the formula-worshipping, bullet point-dependent sense I seem to get from the modern church. His solution seems almost like a cop-out. “I want to be a good person, but I’m a bad person. I’m a slave to sin. This sucks. But, thank God for Jesus Christ! He’ll rescue me!” At the risk of being cliché: It seems easy. A little too easy.
Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one. But we want more than a simple solution to the problem don’t we? Reality is full of difficulties, so a simple answer simply will not do. Rest assured, the simplicity of the solution is probably much deeper than you or I will ever be able to fathom this side of eternity. As C.S. Lewis puts it, “…if you are content to stop there, well and good. But if you are not—and the modern world usually is not—if you want to go on and ask what is really happening—then you must be prepared for something difficult. If we ask for something more than simplicity, it is silly then to complain that the something more is not simple.”
Within the last three weeks, I have been called Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by two different people. I was indignant at first. How dare they! I’m struggling! I’m learning! I’m growing as an individual! I don’t need this right now! If they only knew how God is changing me! Then I got stuck at Romans 7. And I had to admit, “I am Jekyll. I am Hyde.” I’m not comfortable with that. Not at all. But, I suspect, just as the fictional character of Dr. Jekyll struggled against the monster that raged long before it was unleashed through the wonders of science, I will struggle with my own “wretched man” that seeks to devour me whole. Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
* Some may read this and wonder if I am dodging the bullet or not truly hearing what it is they are saying about my “dueling dual personality”. For those who believe this, please know this is not the case at all. I have heard what you have said, prayed about your words, and am now putting this counsel to work in my life. I am facing this issue head-on as best I know how. Yahweh’s peace.
Let me say here, I am not the person who can adequately explain the message of Romans. Even the experts continue to haggle over the theme of the book. Is it a basic gospel presentation or is about justification through faith? There have been plenty of commentaries, sidebars, and notes written about the subject. I doubt I will have anything new to add to the pot. Actually, the reason I am writing is to admit freely that I’m kind of…stuck. Stuck at a particular point in the book.
In Romans 7:18-25, the Apostle Paul states:
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”
There’s a reason I’m able to relate to Paul more than I can to Jesus. Sometimes, I honestly think it would have been better for Paul to die for my sins. (The way some people talk about the man, you would believe they thought he actually did!) My reasoning for this is he’s struggled with the same things I struggled with. He takes a snapshot of the human soul that is so candid, so intimate, it borders on being obscenely pornographic. The vile darkness that lurks in the hearts of man is laid bare and called to account. Each of us can point to the words of this man and nod, because we’ve all been there. Jesus was tempted but never failed. I can’t relate to that. Paul was tempted and failed miserably. He struggled with what that meant. He struggled with looking up from the bottom of a spiritual hole. I can relate to that. Still, I am eternally grateful that I can’t relate to Jesus in the way I can relate to Paul. Otherwise, I would still be dead in my sins.
How come I don’t believe I’m the first one to wrestle with this, though? It's like I'm the exact opposite of what I need to be in order to be who I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be good and I've got a desire to heed this call to be a leader among followers, but I have a desire to intentionally screw up and do what I want. Sitting in church on any given Sunday I convince myself, “Yeah. I can do this. I can live this life.” Then I exit the front doors and the demons take flight again, swirling within and without my soul, wailing, screaming curses and bombarding me from every conceivable direction. Discouraging words at exactly the wrong time. Sensual stimulation. Personal insecurity. Out-and-out disgust with living the life of a choirboy. Disappointment with the failure of others. Utter desolation at my own failure.
And the Apostle Paul’s solution to the problem doesn’t read like a solution at all. Not in the formula-worshipping, bullet point-dependent sense I seem to get from the modern church. His solution seems almost like a cop-out. “I want to be a good person, but I’m a bad person. I’m a slave to sin. This sucks. But, thank God for Jesus Christ! He’ll rescue me!” At the risk of being cliché: It seems easy. A little too easy.
Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one. But we want more than a simple solution to the problem don’t we? Reality is full of difficulties, so a simple answer simply will not do. Rest assured, the simplicity of the solution is probably much deeper than you or I will ever be able to fathom this side of eternity. As C.S. Lewis puts it, “…if you are content to stop there, well and good. But if you are not—and the modern world usually is not—if you want to go on and ask what is really happening—then you must be prepared for something difficult. If we ask for something more than simplicity, it is silly then to complain that the something more is not simple.”
Within the last three weeks, I have been called Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by two different people. I was indignant at first. How dare they! I’m struggling! I’m learning! I’m growing as an individual! I don’t need this right now! If they only knew how God is changing me! Then I got stuck at Romans 7. And I had to admit, “I am Jekyll. I am Hyde.” I’m not comfortable with that. Not at all. But, I suspect, just as the fictional character of Dr. Jekyll struggled against the monster that raged long before it was unleashed through the wonders of science, I will struggle with my own “wretched man” that seeks to devour me whole. Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
* Some may read this and wonder if I am dodging the bullet or not truly hearing what it is they are saying about my “dueling dual personality”. For those who believe this, please know this is not the case at all. I have heard what you have said, prayed about your words, and am now putting this counsel to work in my life. I am facing this issue head-on as best I know how. Yahweh’s peace.
posted by C. E'Jon Moore @ 27.7.05
3 Comments:
You better be glad you put that bottom paragraph - my fingers were itchin'.
I am glad that you are aware of that possibility. I hope that you mean it, when you say you are putting that counsel to work in your life. I am looking forward to seeing that fruit.
Diogenes--
I'm sure they were. I putin the final paragraph (and the endnote), not necessarily because I wanted to say it, but because I knew if I didn't there would be somewhat of a backlash. There are things that are going on in my head and heart at the moment, thanks to your words and the words of others, that I would rather go about applying quietly--letting my life do the talking rather than my mouth or hands. But, I know if I leave out the proverbial "thank you" for the advice, you might not understand that I'm even considering it. Peace bro.
You captured the universal dilemma. Thanks for being so open and literate. What's great about a blog like this is that I can share it with friends. Um..and mull about it myself though I HATE to admit Dr. Jekyll still claws his way into my life and heart.
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