Fat Kid on a Teeter-Totter
I have removed my previous blog entry, The Church of Oral Gratification. After a few conversations with some close friends and numerous negative remarks on the blog entry itself, I decided against my better judgment to delete it from the site. This may be a testament to my willingness to listen to Godly counsel or it may be a testament to my unwillingness to follow the voice of God. Honestly, I think it to be a mixture of both.
The argument was presented that my methodlogy was drowning out the message; that I was throwing a fat kid (methodology) on one side of the teeter-totter and launching the poor, skinny kid (message) high into the stratosphere. If that is the case, given that this blog is meant for mass consumption, then I have failed as a communicator.
The hardest thing, I suppose, is that despite all the criticism and Godly counsel, I feel as if I am sinning more by deleting it than I would be by keeping it posted. Yes. An extreme picture was painted. Very extreme. So extreme that no accusations of sensationalism could adequately be thwarted. So extreme that it would always appear wrong to one person or another. But, I truly felt the picture painted in the manner in which it was originally painted was the picture God wanted me to paint.
What is done is done, though. Maybe I'll revisit the idea at some point. Right now, I feel it would be a disservice to repost the entry in a modified form, in a manner less than what I feel God instructed me to do. For the moment, however, I am pulling the article, pulling back, considering the counsel, praying for fresh perspective from God, and wondering if I'll ever have a clear-cut answer this side of eternity.
I'm feeling really discouraged by this. I truly am. Some people wanted to shake their heads at me and wonder why they've walked with me through so much. Now that the entry is removed, they will rejoice at my repentance...or, at least in my willingness to give them their way. How do I feel about it? Well, I want to throw my hands up and wonder why I walk with God when His will is rarely clear. It's as if I'm so laced with wrongness that even when He tells me to do something, I somehow mangage to do it incorrectly.
The argument was presented that my methodlogy was drowning out the message; that I was throwing a fat kid (methodology) on one side of the teeter-totter and launching the poor, skinny kid (message) high into the stratosphere. If that is the case, given that this blog is meant for mass consumption, then I have failed as a communicator.
The hardest thing, I suppose, is that despite all the criticism and Godly counsel, I feel as if I am sinning more by deleting it than I would be by keeping it posted. Yes. An extreme picture was painted. Very extreme. So extreme that no accusations of sensationalism could adequately be thwarted. So extreme that it would always appear wrong to one person or another. But, I truly felt the picture painted in the manner in which it was originally painted was the picture God wanted me to paint.
What is done is done, though. Maybe I'll revisit the idea at some point. Right now, I feel it would be a disservice to repost the entry in a modified form, in a manner less than what I feel God instructed me to do. For the moment, however, I am pulling the article, pulling back, considering the counsel, praying for fresh perspective from God, and wondering if I'll ever have a clear-cut answer this side of eternity.
I'm feeling really discouraged by this. I truly am. Some people wanted to shake their heads at me and wonder why they've walked with me through so much. Now that the entry is removed, they will rejoice at my repentance...or, at least in my willingness to give them their way. How do I feel about it? Well, I want to throw my hands up and wonder why I walk with God when His will is rarely clear. It's as if I'm so laced with wrongness that even when He tells me to do something, I somehow mangage to do it incorrectly.
Yahweh's peace.
posted by C. E'Jon Moore @ 16.8.05
5 Comments:
I struggle with this every day - "Why can't God just tell me, and I'll do it?" We have to remember that He does tell us, it may be through His Word or prayer, it may be through the people around us. The thing I hate is that it seems like we usually find out what God is saying after we've done it the wrong way and look back. I think you were very wise in pulling this off your site. It shows a maturity and humility. You have great points of view that we love to hear, and I know you have the talent to get them across to us with better analogies.
Anonymous--
There is a missed irony in the fact I have removed the entry that keeps eating at me. I am upset that it is assumed the methodology outweighed the message. But, the message was about the disgust God feels when we offer to serve Him under the auspices of our own comfort. We want to be insulated by our beliefs. The removal of the entry is a capitulation to a Christianity that says, "I am only comfortable with this or that thing." Admittedly, I made a few mistakes in my writing style, in regards to the hands off approach I attempted to take, while turning around and coarsely joking about it in the next breath. For that, I ask everyone's forgiveness, including our Father in heaven. But, excluding those things, I wonder how vulgar I truly was. I'll wrestle with it, of course. Not attempting here to justify. But, the Christ I read about in Scripture could have been called vulgar and sensational, also. Spitting in the dirt to heal the blind man. Talking to the woman at the well. Racially slurring the Cryro-Phonecian woman. Tearing up the Temple. Eating with tax collectors and sinners. Allowing a slut to wash his feet. Calling himself God. Two thousand years of theology (not the thing itself) have allowed us to step back and see the message. At the time, however, very few did. To some, it was simply being sensational for the sake of sensationalism. It was vulgar for the sake of being vulgar. That's why some didn't get His message. It could be argued His methodology was too strong. If I were a merchant in the Temple Courts and someone cam tearing through, turning over my table, spilling my money out into the street for people to snatch up, and whipping me with a cat of nine tails, I'd have a hard time listening to His message, too...no matter how much truth He was packing. I don't know. It's a difficult thing for me to think about and dwell on. Like i said, though, maybe, one day i'll revisit the subject matter. Yahweh's peace.
For the record - I got the message entirely. It's the lack of so-called "oral gratification" as you MEANT it to be understood, that contributed to my leaving organized religion as I knew it and eventually into realizing that God(dess) works in highly mysterious and questionable (by our standards, not Hers) ways.
This, however, is coming from someone who thinks it's appaling that American TV can show someone splattering their brains out against a wall with a handgun, but gets uptight by nudity. What are we teaching our kids? Puritanism is something that shows just how uptight, anal retentive, and DANGEROUS American thinking can be. But that's another ball of "oral gratification" entirely...
Hang in there, man. Good luck at school, and always remember - great ideas are often met with scorn.
Just my $0.02...
Pax,
~E
I suppose there is a hint of irony there, and I was able to look through the vulgarity to see your point. But when you approac the subject practially, I think there was a way to communicate the action without making yourself the focus of the vulgar action. In doing so, the reader focused more on you thant he concept at hand. So the problem was tact, not message. And personally I would have written it a BIT less vulgar simply for the fact of not losing the sensitive reader. Of course there would have been no point to it if there was not an element of vulgarity, but I think you know what I mean. My biggest problem when writing is being sensitive to capture all readers, and trying to have tact. I have a limited supply of patience when writing, and often my approach is off.
DK
i didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
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