Voices From Another World
"One needs occasionally
to stand aside from the
hum and rush of
human interests and passions
to hear the voices of God."
~~Anna Julia Cooper~~
I’m all moved out of my old apartment and I’m all moved into what I affectionately refer to as ‘The Pad.’ As large as it is, it has its advantages and disadvantages. It allows for a measure of privacy like I’ve never had before. I could camp out in any given part of the house and never be disturbed. It’s ideal for writing, reading, and contemplating deep into the night (not that I consider myself to be profound by any means). On the other hand, I long for connection but find myself alone a lot of the time.
But, the solitude has been good for me. It forces me to listen to the voice of God I’ve been complaining about not hearing as of late. And, even when I’m not alone, I am hearing the voice of God in the voices of others. My pastor. My new friends. My old friends. I am hearing His voice in some relatively unsurprising places. But, I’m also hearing His voice in places I had not quite expected: In my sin.
My thoughts regarding certain people and relationships have been…less than stellar? I have been quick to judge. Quick to accuse. Quick to put off. Quick to ‘defend my defamed name.’ And God is whispering to me through it.
Despite the new digs, the last hurrah this situation presents me with in friendships before heading off to Rochester in the fall, the new friendships I am forming, I am saddened. Saddened by what brought me here. Saddened by the things God is telling me about the darkness of my heart. Saddened by realizing that God is telling me something I have known for so long, yet have chosen to ignore, even entrench myself deeper within. Saddened that certain things He has been calling me to for a long time I have run from for even longer.
But, there is a joy. There are things I have never believed about myself (that people have told me) that God is telling me personally. There are things happening and relationships forming that God is revealing interesting and emotionally liberating things about.
So, right now, I am a mix of sadness and joy. But, God is speaking.
posted by C. E'Jon Moore @ 4.5.05
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