Crowded Isolation
Have you ever been surrounded by a sea of faces, yet felt like you’re the only one in the room? Like you’re talking to a world populated by empty chairs? You speak and no one listens? You scream at the top of your lungs across the Grand Canyon and no echo returns to you? Have you ever felt like you either A.) Don’t belong somewhere or B.) You’re just simply wrong all the time? Has your heart ever ached for the most intimate fellowship a person can know this side of eternity, only to be treated with a vague mystery of what relationships are or ought to be?
Rochester College crackles with energy and life unlike I’ve ever seen. Well, people aren’t exactly shooting bolts of lightning from their fingertips or anything but, you get the general idea. There is something fresh and exciting in the air. There’s a newness to it all that one can’t help but be caught up in. And, of course, the freshmen are all hooking up like a chain link fence. Despite all of this, I feel disconnected. And, I can’t explain why. I enjoy the conversations I have with people. I go to the gym and work out five days a week with many of them. There are study groups and Bible studies and classroom discussions. For some unknown reason, while I know the names of a select few people, everyone seems to know mine. What gives?
I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way. He left His home to experience something He’d never experienced before…humanity. Everything about Earth must have taken on a newness and excitement that couldn’t be experienced from His throne in heaven. And, everyone knew His name. Everyone wanted a piece of Him. Everyone wanted to sit and talk with Him. Yet, amidst all those people, something had to seem out of place. He didn’t quite belong, did He?
Then again, His alien nature seems to be how I feel. Maybe, in fact, He belonged here more than any of is could ever imagine. I am by no means the Savior of Rochester College. In fact, I feel I need the institution more than it needs me. But, Christ’s purpose was to bring something to the world that, otherwise, would not have been there—redemption. He was here for a time and then returned home to prepare a place for us. Likewise, maybe that’s the point of being here at Rochester. I’m sure consequential relationships will come with time, but even if they didn’t, maybe my purpose is for something other than that. I’m not suggesting I will go through 3 ½ years of schooling as an island unto myself, but that maybe I am here to bring Rochester College something that otherwise would not be here. We can look back and see what Christ did for the world and be thankful. For the moment, I’m not sure what I bring to Rochester, or the world for that matter. Rest assured, it is something…even if I feel alone (for the moment) in doing it.
